Freedom in Love: From Need to True Feeling

In a vibrant city full of intertwined stories, two souls met at a crucial moment in their lives. Sofía and Diego had never known each other before, but something in destiny brought them together, as if it were part of a greater plan—an encounter that would change how they viewed love and life. Sometimes, the deepest connections happen when we least expect them, and that’s exactly what happened with them.

Sofía had grown up in an environment where love seemed to be the answer to everything. Her parents, although loving, had always emphasized that to be happy, one needed to find someone to love, someone to share life with. Sofía took this deeply to heart, making romantic love her primary pursuit. From a young age, she believed love was the key to feeling life was worthwhile, giving it purpose. Every relationship she had up to that point was based on a sense of lack, as if she needed someone to choose her to feel complete. In her mind, love was an act of giving and receiving, but with an implicit condition: *I love you because I need you.* She didn’t know how to live without feeling she needed someone else to find her balance, her identity.

Diego, on the other hand, had taken a very different path. From a young age, he had learned to value his independence. He had lived through many experiences that led him to feel that, while love could be one of life’s most beautiful experiences, it wasn’t the solution to all problems. He had been in relationships but had never felt dependent on them for happiness. Through failures and deep reflection, he had come to understand that true love wasn’t about needing another person to feel good about oneself but about love arising from a place of self-acceptance. His mantra had become clear: he didn’t need anyone to feel whole, but he wanted to share his life with someone who was also on a journey of personal growth—someone who didn’t need him to fill gaps but to share what they already were. Diego had concluded that mature love is born when two people love each other not for what they lack but for what they can build together. I need you because I love you, he thought, a need that didn’t stem from filling a void but from sharing life fully.

It was at a casual event, a gathering among mutual friends, that Sofía and Diego met. Sofía initially felt drawn to the calm and serenity Diego exuded. There was something in his gaze that conveyed a peace she had never experienced. Their conversation was easy, flowing, as if they had known each other all their lives. As they talked, Sofía began to feel an immediate connection, as if she had finally found someone who could give her what she had always sought: a love that made her feel safe and complete. In her mind, love with Diego seemed to be the answer to all her longings.

Diego, for his part, couldn’t help but notice Sofía’s vibrant energy. There was something about her that fascinated him—a passion for life that inspired him to be better. However, deep inside, Diego felt the need to protect his emotional space, knowing that what was happening between them had to be based on more than the search for validation or the need to complete each other. Diego believed love should arise from a place of freedom, from two beings choosing each other for who they were, not for what they needed.

In the first weeks, their relationship seemed to fit well. Sofía, as she had always done in the past, began projecting her expectations of love onto Diego. She felt that he understood her, that he completed her somehow. Sometimes, she found herself thinking that if Diego loved her enough, he would fill the internal void she had always felt. The phrase “I love you because I need you” became her mantra again, and sometimes she told Diego directly: “I love you because I need you.” For her, love was a way to fill the gaps she felt inside. If Diego loved her, she would be enough.

Diego, although deeply in love, began to feel uneasy. Not because he didn’t love Sofía but because he realized that what she was asking wasn’t mature love but a need he couldn’t fully satisfy. He didn’t want to be the answer to Sofía’s shortcomings or the pillar upon which she built her identity. He knew that love based on dependence could only lead to frustration, not growth. Despite his love, Diego felt the pressure to be Sofía’s “savior,” to fill all the gaps she believed only he could fill. But something inside him told him that this kind of love wasn’t what he wanted or should offer.

After several weeks of unspoken tensions and growing discomfort, Diego decided to talk to Sofía. He had reached a point where he couldn’t continue without being honest with her. One day, during a walk in the park where they often went, Diego looked at her gently and said:

“Sofía, I want you to know something very important. I care for you deeply, truly. But the love I seek isn’t one of dependence. I don’t want you to need me to feel complete because you are already complete on your own. I love you because you are an incredible person, because I admire your strength and passion for life. But I don’t love you because I need you; I love you because I respect you and because you make me want to be a better person. I’m not the answer to your voids, and I don’t want to be. I need you because I love you, but I love you for who you are, with your own qualities and being—not because you make me feel like I’m the solution to what you lack.”

Diego’s words struck Sofía’s heart like a revelation. Although she initially felt surprised and a bit confused, something within her clicked. It was the first time someone spoke to her about love in such a genuine and healthy way. In that moment, Sofía realized that her concept of love, based on need, had been flawed. Love shouldn’t be a constant quest to complete oneself through another but an opportunity to share life, grow, and support each other without depending on one another for a sense of worth.

From that day, Sofía embarked on a journey of self-discovery and self-worth. She no longer sought validation from Diego but began to find her own value, loving herself without needing someone else to affirm it. For his part, Diego, seeing this change in Sofía, felt more at ease and closer to her. The love they shared grew deeper, freer, without restraints.

Their love transformed from a relationship of dependence to one of mutual support and respect. Sofía, now aware of her power and autonomy, understood that mature love isn’t based on emotional needs but arises from freedom, respect, and the desire to share life with someone who, like herself, loves and respects themselves.

Over time, their love grew stronger and more authentic because it was built on the understanding that they chose each other not for what they lacked but for what they could offer in a space of freedom and growth. And so, Sofía and Diego learned the true essence of love: a mature love, where each loved themselves first and then chose one another.

The End.

The story we have explored reflects the ideas presented by Erich Fromm in his work The Art of Loving, where he distinguishes between two forms of love: immature love ("I love you because I need you") and mature love ("I need you because I love you"). Through the characters of Sofía and Diego, the narrative illustrates in practical terms how these two forms of love develop within a relationship and how they can transform the way people connect with each other.

Immature Love: "I love you because I need you"

In the story, Sofía embodies the kind of immature love described by Fromm. Throughout her life, she was influenced by a view of love that made her dependent on another person's presence to feel valuable or complete. For her, loving someone was synonymous with needing them: "I love you because I need you." This type of love is marked by lack and emotional dependence, which, in Fromm’s words, reflects a need for affection, security, and external validation.

Sofía seeks to fill an emotional void with Diego's love, expecting him to be the answer to her fears, insecurities, and loneliness. In this context, love is not an act of sharing but a way to find refuge in the other and to use the other as a means to achieve personal satisfaction. Immature love does not allow for genuine growth in either individual, as it is based on the idea that the other person must fulfill all emotional needs. This emotional dependence often leads to an unbalanced and ultimately unsustainable relationship, as there will always be a sense of lacking that no other human being can fully resolve.

Mature Love: "I need you because I love you"

Diego, on the other hand, represents mature love, as envisioned by Fromm. For him, love is not about a desperate need to complete an internal void but a conscious choice to share life with someone he respects and values as an individual. When Diego says to Sofía, "I need you because I love you," he reflects the mature love Fromm describes as a relationship of mutual support and growth, not based on dependence but on respect for the other’s autonomy.

Fromm defines mature love as one in which both individuals freely choose each other, not out of a need to be completed by the other but out of a desire to share a journey together. In this type of love, each person maintains their integrity and autonomy while choosing the other for who they are, not for what they need from them. Mature love is an act of giving and receiving that does not depend on the need to be loved but on the will to care for and share with the other.

Sofía's Transformation: From Immature to Mature Love

Sofía's evolution throughout the story illustrates the transformation process Fromm describes in *The Art of Loving*. At first, Sofía sees Diego as someone who can fill her emotional voids. However, after their conversation, Sofía begins to understand that love should not depend on needing the other. This process of self-discovery and self-worth is key to transitioning from immature love to mature love. As Fromm points out, one of the main challenges of mature love is the ability to "love others without losing oneself" and not depend on the other person to define one’s value. By learning to love herself and find her own completeness, Sofía begins to transform her love for Diego. Love is no longer an emotional need but a conscious and free choice.

Sofía transitions from a love based on dependency and lack to one based on respect and appreciation for who she and Diego are as complete individuals. By doing so, her relationship with Diego transforms into a deeper connection where both can grow and support each other without depending on the other to feel valuable. This is the essence of mature love: a relationship that does not rely on need but on the desire to share and grow together.

The Importance of Autonomy in Mature Love

One of the fundamental aspects of Fromm's vision of mature love is autonomy. In a mature relationship, each person must be able to function independently and find their identity without completely depending on the other. This does not mean the two individuals do not need each other but that they need each other in a way that fosters mutual growth and reciprocity, not dependence.

From Fromm’s perspective, mature love does not entail giving up independence or losing oneself in the other. On the contrary, it involves the ability to love fully without that relationship negating the freedom and personal development of those involved. Sofía, by learning to love herself and find her own worth, discovers that she can love Diego without losing her autonomy. In this way, love becomes an act of generosity, where both freely choose each other and support each other in their respective life journeys.

The Art of Loving as a Process of Growth and Choice

In summary, the story of Sofía and Diego is a clear reflection of the concepts that Fromm addresses in The Art of Loving. Sofía's transformation, from an immature love based on need to a mature love based on mutual respect, demonstrates how love can be a conscious choice to give and receive without relying on the other to fill emotional voids.

Fromm argues that mature love requires emotional maturity that allows for autonomy and individual growth, while immature love is based on dependency and lack. The key to true love, according to Fromm, is learning to love oneself first to then be able to love the other deeply, genuinely, and freely. Only through this mature love, which is based on respect and freedom, is it possible to build truly meaningful and lasting relationships.

Thus, the story of Sofía and Diego not only reflects Fromm's theoretical concepts but also demonstrates how those principles apply in real life, in relationships that evolve and grow when founded on mature love.