The Art of Loving: The Lesson That Transformed My Life

In a small village surrounded by mountains, there lived a young man named Lucas. From a very young age, Lucas had believed that love was something magical, something that happened by the stroke of magic at the exact moment. He often saw happy couples in his village, sharing laughter and knowing glances, and he felt that this was the kind of love he should have. He didn’t understand how or why, but he was convinced that true love would come unexpectedly, like a spark in the dark.

Over the years, Lucas dedicated himself to searching for this idealized love. He fell in love many times, but with each relationship, something didn’t work. Sometimes the arguments were endless, other times unmet expectations left him feeling empty. He always felt that, although the people were wonderful, something was missing, something he could never seem to find. "Maybe I just haven’t found the right person," he thought, and with each breakup, he became more convinced that love was something external, something that came only to those who were lucky.

One day, while walking through the village square, he saw an elderly man sitting on a bench every afternoon. The elderly man, known for his wisdom, was someone Lucas had always admired from afar, but had never spoken to. That afternoon, something urged him to approach and sit next to him. The elderly man looked at him with a calm smile, and after a while of silence, asked him:

—Why so thoughtful, young man?

Lucas, feeling that the elderly man had sensed something inside him, shared his frustration with love, the times he had tried to find it, and how it always seemed to slip away. He explained that he didn’t understand why he couldn’t find that deep, lasting connection he so longed for.

The elderly man listened patiently, and then responded in a serene voice:

—Love, my son, is not what you think. It’s not an arrow shot by a god, nor a fate that waits for you without warning. True love is not sought the way you do, because it is not something that comes from the outside. It is something that is cultivated from within.

Lucas looked at him confused.

—Cultivate love? —he asked, not understanding. —What does that mean?

The elderly man smiled gently and began to speak calmly, as if the words he was about to share were the answers Lucas had been seeking all his life.

—Love is not a fleeting feeling or a spark that burns for a moment. Love is a capacity that develops with discipline. It’s an art, not a coincidence. True love, mature and deep love, requires time, effort, and a constant commitment to yourself and others. And that discipline, that consistency, is the key to learning how to love.

Lucas frowned, still confused. How could discipline have anything to do with love? He thought of discipline as something related to work or study, but not to feelings.

—Discipline in love —the elderly man continued— is about understanding that it’s not enough to simply wish to be loved or seek someone who completes you. Love requires that you first work on yourself. You need to know yourself, understand your own fears and desires, your flaws and virtues. And most importantly, you must be able to love yourself before you can give love to others.

Lucas was moved by these words, although he didn’t fully understand their meaning. The elderly man went on to explain that discipline in love involved being generous, being patient, being able to listen and understand without judgment. It wasn’t about waiting for someone else to make you happy, but about building a relationship where both could grow together, without selfish expectations.

—Love is not about what you receive, but about what you can offer. Every day, in every act, you must strive to be the best version of yourself, to be more generous, more compassionate, more present for others. Only when you manage to do this, will love come to you naturally, because love is not a transaction, it is a gift given and received freely, without chains or attachments.

Lucas, although still processing everything the elderly man was telling him, felt that these words were deeper than anything he had ever heard before. He decided he was going to try. He wasn’t going to wait for love to come magically anymore. He began to work on himself, to cultivate his inner discipline.

For months, Lucas practiced patience, empathy, and self-care. He began to be more aware of his own emotions, to understand his needs, and to respect his own limits. He dedicated himself to being a good friend, a better brother, a more loving son. Slowly, he began to see the change within him. He no longer sought love out of desperation, but learned to give it without expecting anything in return.

And, in that process of personal growth, something unexpected happened. One day, at a community gathering, he met Sofia. She too had gone through a similar journey of self-discovery and growth. Lucas, now without the anxiety of finding love, saw her as someone with whom he could share his life, not as a solution to his emptiness, but as a partner with whom they could both grow and learn together.

The love they shared was not perfect, but it was real, deep, and free of expectations. They had learned to love themselves first, and only then did true love present itself naturally, like a flower blooming in its due time, not hurried, but in its fullness.

Lucas finally understood what the elderly man had taught him: the art of loving was not something that happened suddenly. It was a discipline, a constant commitment to growth, patience, and generosity. Only when one was willing to invest in oneself and in others, could true love arise, deep and lasting.

And so, Lucas discovered that the most beautiful love was the one that is built day by day, with effort, but also with the joy of knowing that, in the end, true love is found within oneself and in the ability to share it with the world.